Episode 17 - Christina - When life life's at the same time as perimenopause.

Erin speaks with Christina about her post-menopause life and what happens when the demands of every day life collide with perimenopause. 

Christina is a menopause coaching specialist and personal trainer based in Winston-Salem, NC. You can find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trainerchick72?igsh=MWhtdXYyY203cXA3ag%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Erin is the creator and host of Menopause Chats. She is also a somatic and intuitive coach who helps women in the in-between live with more magic and intention through her signature approach The 5 Cs of Becoming Her. More information at: www.pauseandalign.com

The stories shared in Menopause Chats are not intended as medical advice, but for information and entertainment. Please seek a medical professional for specific advice regarding your menopause journey. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Computer.

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Hi everyone. Welcome to Menopause Chats. I'm delighted that you're here. Uh, today we are talking to Christy Cobbler, and uh I'm excited about our conversation and where this is going to lead. So tell me a little bit about your journey.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Um, I am so glad that you are doing this. I think it is so important, and I appreciate you uh allowing me to be a guest. Yes, thanks for being here. Um I probably started noticing some changes. I'm postmenopausal, so I'm on the other side, and probably hard to gauge because I was on um a steady dose of continuous birth control pill up until I was 50. So I didn't have a period at all anyway. Um, so not clear as to probably when I actually went through menopause, but I'm guessing it's probably been close to three or four years at this point. Um I started noticing changes to my cycle as early as my late 30s. Um just a I was always very regular, always very predictable, never really had a whole lot of issues other than, you know, what they considered your typical PMS kind of symptoms, um, you know, all through puberty. I st I started very young. I was 10.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

So I look at little 10-year-olds now and I'm like, oh my gosh, poor little Christie. She's pretty young. She's a little girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

So, but fortunately I did not have a whole lot of of difficulty with with periods until my late 30s. And then it just became where it was much more sporadic or long, or there'd be spotting and then heavy, and then spotting, and then you'd have about a week of decency before it all started over again. Um, and so I went I went to my provider who was she was amazing, um, and who did put me on birth control pills at that point because I had not been doing anything up until that point. Um, and uh that resolved a lot of the irregularity. Um and so I coasted along and then started with insomnia and hot flashes kind of in my early 40s. Um, and then we kind of tweaked the dose, the the pill dose, which did effectively kind of handle all of that.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

I mean, that is what a lot of providers do is instead of doing care. Yeah, instead of doing uh menopause hormone therapy, they'll say, Oh, like just go on birth control.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

It was not indicated. I mean, this is what 15 plus years ago. It wasn't indicated, HRT was not indicated for, and of course, we had all the flawed studies going on that scared everybody, and so people were not, you know, quick to jump to that as a recommendation. So the pill was kind of your go-to um at that point. Um, and I think it probably did as well as it could have um until I hit 50. And then it was like, oh, you have to come off. But there was no alternate plan in place at that point.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

It was like, well, let's just, you know, kind of see what happens. And what it comes up for me is like it's like slamming the brakes on the car. It's like and then like, now what?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Yeah, exactly. So my what happened? Oh, oh girl. I mean, it was like the wheels came off the car and things just started exploding and mood dysregulation and the you know the the weight gain started, the feeling literally like I wasn't in my body. Like I I didn't understand. It was like puberty in reverse and 10 times worse. Um and I had a really hard time from that point getting the right kind of care. Um, it was, you know, my provider uh she actually went a different direction, was no longer at the practice. So I went to see her replacement, who was a lovely, very young woman. And I know that she was operating from a place of not knowing how to manage menopausal symptoms, and I was dismissed. And it was basically like, well, you're 50, you know, this is just what happens with a smile, suck it up again. Um, so I want to go back and see her when she's 50, but um it it became my responsibility to then start to seek out the right support because I wasn't referred uh to GYN.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

It was just like And they might not even know either.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Right. You know, but if this isn't something you deal with, then how about you know, we we've we send you to someone who does. So I sought out a referral myself to uh to a um a GYN who tweaked my hormones, but also basically told me this is just gonna suck. Um so there was just a lot of being met with not where I didn't feel heard and seen and supported, and where it was kind of like, well, we'll try this. Like they didn't even know. So there wasn't this confidence, like, oh, things are gonna get better. I'm you know, I feel hopeful. It was just kind of like, well, you know, buckle up.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Um, and so it we deserve so much more than that, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Exactly. And I think, you know, I was always someone who, or I had a part of me that always was very fixer-oriented. And so uh it can it can, you know, have its downside, but I think that was my drive to keep searching. Like I'm not settling for this being the best that that I can do.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Um and I think it has to get it has to be better than this.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Um so I continued to persist and try to find a provider who had um a special focus on menopause because a lot of GYNs are you know more OB focused and you know it's it's a different, it's a whole different animal. So I finally was was able to find um a provider who acknowledged, saw me, had game plans. I felt I I remember sitting across from her on our first visit, and I after our conversation, I just cried. I just sobbed because it was the first time that I felt like someone heard me, yeah, validated my experience and said, you know what, here's what we're gonna try.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Versus versus oh well, but it is and so I think from that point it did definitely start to feel like I was, you know, better supported. Um, but there was a lot that a GYN can't also really tap into. And there's so many layers to menopause, and we've become so specialty focused that you know, then I started having pelvic floor problems. Well, your GYN can't do that. You got to go to a, you know, you gotta go to pelvic floor. And it's like, oh my gosh, this care team is getting very, very large and all of these things. So then came the overwhelm. You know, it was like this everything's happening at warp speed all at once. And I'm trying to do everything I can to manage all of these things, but it is requiring a lot of energy for me to do that. And and energy you don't have because you're sleeping poorly, and you're just trying to keep your, you know, I feel like it's like this, you know, you're treading water and you're, you know, all of this is going on frantically underneath the surface, and you're just barely keeping your chin up. You're like I need a lice test, someone help me. Um, so it was a lot of you know, kind of my own, you know, determination and persistence that really I think uh you know brought me where I am now. Yeah. Um, and I decided to get my own menopause coaching specialist certification in the midst of all of that because I I just felt like women deserved to be supported and seen and heard and have access to the right information to get the kind of care that is, you know, best for each individual person. And so just educating myself was what I felt like I had control over.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Right. Um I love that you say that because I talk about that a lot of just needing, you know, what can we control? Like there's so much we can't control, so what can we? And so I love that, you know, hey, what I can control is my learning, like how you know, I just my wanting to know more, so I can maybe help others.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Right. And I kept hearing, you know, I'm a I'm a personal trainer as well, and and I work with a lot of women, and I've worked in several different um, you know, uh companies that as a fitness professional. And I was hearing the same story over and over and over from women in the perimenopause-menopause journey who weren't even identifying their their issues as as being such.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

Right. I mean, we talked about this before, right? Before we started recording, but like I think we both had similar experiences where we didn't we weren't thinking about these things, and it wasn't until afterwards where someone tells you you're actually postmenopausal that you're like, what? Oh, all of these things now make sense. Yes. You know, but to your point too about like then having to see like a pelvic specialist and all this, where some of that stuff's not like from my experience with that was, and then it wasn't covered under insurance, and so it's like it just gets it, then there's this expense on top. So you're already overwhelmed, and now you're like, well now I gotta pay all this money out of pocket.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

And I think that's the other piece that is, you know, sometimes uh hard to swallow is that the access and affordability for women's care during this phase is kind of it's not it's not it. We're a long way away. And I think, you know, and I I'm not gonna get too much on my soapbox, but I feel like if this were a man's situation, yeah, this would look a whole lot different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

Um and well, and just the fact that there wasn't a lot of medical study on this anyway.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Right. Yeah. Because it's not prioritized. I mean, men were in charge of of the research and and kind of, you know, it it wasn't their problem. So it wasn't really anything to study. And, you know, we kind of got conditioned to just think this is just the way it is.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

You know, just sit tight and and that's what I'm loving now about these conversations and and how it's so much more prevalent. At least I see it a lot more because people are not, you know, this our generation is being like, no, no, no, no. Well, something's got to change. What is this? Why why why did you not say anything?

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Well, exlors are like, no, what is great.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

You know, and I was sharing this yesterday in a webinar that I was conducting. Of I worked with a woman who was in her 20s and we were chatting, and I was telling her about this stuff because I wanted her to know now, like, here's the things now, probably her mother's going through these things, right? But like for her to know, here's what to look out for as you as you start to get into your mid-30s, you know, late 30s, um, which is you know still a decade away from her. But I'm hoping that that conversation will at least be like, oh, wait, I remember this. Or I have other friends who are 10 years younger than me, right? Who are just in that perimenopause phase. And so now they're like, oh, you know, had had we not been friends, I would not have known this. Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Well, it's like good. Well, and I think that's the other difference is that our mothers, you know, ex mothers, they this conversation was not had because they didn't know either. Right. If we are if we didn't know, you know they didn't know. Right. And so there just wasn't there just wasn't no conversation in terms of here's what to expect, here's what I'm going through.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Well, here's how you might get be able to get some help.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Right. And and it's so it's, you know, it's just a it was kind of a uh, you know, a casualty of the time. Um, but I think, you know, now that we know more and we're we have access to more information on menopause is having such a moment um that we're able to now have these conversations with our daughters and other, you know, younger women to help guide them along this process. Um and it I have a 30, I have a 33-year-old client who um, you know, I talked to her a lot about, you know, things to look for, things to maybe get ahead of, and um the kind of care team to start. And she's I think, you know, I think a lot of younger people are much better at self-care than we were. So because we taught them to be, right? Right. Um, so I do think that it is gonna create some momentum in a very positive direction in terms of going forward. Um, but there still is a lot of misinformation, over information. I think we can get just kind of bogged down with ever all the things we should and need to be doing, that it can almost kind of create like this, you know, unintentional feeling of inadequacy, like I'm not doing enough to make this better.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Yeah, which is always, I think, the conundrum that women face anyway, right? Of the idea of like, oh, I'm comparing myself to somebody else and their their journey, and you know, thinking that I was just in a group this morning and we were talking about that, how we all think the other person has it together. And then when you enter these spaces where you can be vulnerable and share, then you realize, like, oh, actually, none of us have ourselves together. We're all just better at hiding it.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

We've developed some pretty good coping skills to hide things.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Well, tell me about we, you know, we talked a little bit before we started recording around like the compounding effect of things that happen as we get to certain ages and and then also having the whole the physiological stuff happening as well.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Yeah. So for me, um, I think from 20, approximately 2021, um, up through 2024, there were a lot of personal life challenges going on for me as well.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

On top of a pandemic.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

On top of a pandemic. On top of, oh my gosh, now I'm in the throes of menopause. Um, and you know, I it was a divorce and a death, several deaths and losses, and some family issues, and my only daughter moving far away, who I was who I'm very close to, a lot of loss just, you know, one after the other. And I think menopause felt like another loss. It was like I felt like I was, you know, losing my you know, losing what my body used to be able to do, um, what I used to be able to eat, what I used to be able to, you know, do fitness wise. A lot all of that was in flux too, mood changes, panic attacks for the first time, ended up in the emergency room thinking I'm having a heart attack. I mean, it was there was just a lot, and then it was hard, like we mentioned as well, to to pick apart what was what. Like, is this the is this because of this or this or or this? And so it just became this big compounded kind of stressor that felt like just one more thing to have to deal with.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

It felt it feels like to me like a ball of yarn, right? Like it's just all this like sort of like you know, just this bunch, or maybe like a bunch of Christmas lights that you just decide. And then like, uh no, I don't know how to untangle all.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I'm just gonna buy new lights at this point.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Can I just start over? Right. So it was very, it was a very kind of tumultuous time that was, you know, I can say now that you know I have kind of moved into a better space emotionally. And I've after years of therapy, I've developed some very good um and healthy, you know, strategies and and use those resources to to help my you know help settle things. But but it was it it has been a very, very wild ride for me. Um and uh I think it continues, of course, um, because it changes, you know, and it's sometimes you're you I feel like sometimes I'm always comparing myself to a younger version of myself.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Um and it's so easy to do, and it it's I know for me it's not helpful.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

No, it's not it's not.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

It actually makes me feel worse.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

It's like there'll be a picture of me that'll flash up and that from like you know, five years ago, and I'm like, oh and then I feel you know, I feel sad for myself that I'm kind of doing that. You know, that is creating some some kind of sadness for me of what was, but I remind myself that when I was there, I was doing the exact same thing with a younger version of myself. So uh, you know, my my new challenge is really, you know, accepting where I am and try and and appreciating where I was and kind of looking forward to where, you know, I will go.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

Um I love that it's like honoring honoring the past. And then and the version of you that you were then, right? Yes, you know, and you're not the same person as you are now, and you won't be the same person probably in 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yes, exactly. So we're constantly evolving and and changing, and I think learning to embrace each of those phases um without, you know, I mean, and uh grief is a complicated thing and it can, you know, sometimes feel like a loss um going through menopause. Um, but I think, you know, through the right support and the right education, you can look for those moments of like we talked about, I don't care anymore. Yeah. Like this is it. Like, and if you don't like it, that's okay. Then we weren't meant to be friends. Like it's kind of a, you know, you kind of get in this new phase of acceptance about the way things are, and that you don't have to try so hard to be something you're not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

I mean, I think that's the one thing I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, right? Is it like, you know what, it doesn't matter what other people think, you know, just do you do you and you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

I was having this conversation with a friend, um, and we were talking about um well, uh Teenage Dream by Katie Perry was on. Like, oh, teenage dreams. I was like, yeah, my I don't know that the teenage years were particularly dreamy for me. Right. Um they were filled with a lot of angst, and and we were talking about how would you go back or not. And I said, I would love to go back only for a little bit, knowing what I know now. Right. I was like, I would probably be the coolest person in the school because you realize all that really doesn't matter. Um, I said, but I wouldn't want to stay around. I said it was just like the movies, you know, where you go back for a little bit, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Like some sort of freaky Friday moment.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Exactly. Let's just, you know, for a little bit and then like come back. Um, but really, I think I do give a lot of compassion to that younger version of myself for for what she didn't know at the time. Yeah. She couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Yeah. And and then, you know, like I said, 10 years, you'll be looking back and giving yourself compassion for what you didn't know now.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Yes, exactly. Exactly. So I think it has been, you know, I think uh another, you know, aspect to all of that is your your critic can start to talk a little bit loud when you have all of these changes going on to your body and you're where it's just like you're beating yourself up for what you're going through.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Um, and so and especially if we're not talking about because then it feels very lonely and isolating. And it's like, oh, I'm must be the only person going through this, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah, the who's gonna go first and say how, you know. And I'm lucky to have a lot of female friends and we talk very openly about um, you know, our experience, but it's there still is a And I talk about it very openly publicly. I love it. I'm here for it. But I think it's definitely becoming more, you know, it there's a comfort level that is now uh starting to happen with a lot of people who, you know, that that wasn't there before.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Right. Yeah, and that's where I'm trying to also then can we do this in the workplace, right? Where people can feel comfortable, like women can feel comfortable advocating for themselves. People can realize that maybe somebody's performance issue is actually related to their stage of life and not, you know, but there's a lot of stigma around wanting to reveal your age at work and not, you know, particularly depending on the industry you're in or the, you know, demographic of the company that you're at. You know, it could feel very isolating. I work with a lot of startups. I work with founders whose I literally could be their mom. So I just pretend not to. Well, this week I was uh interviewing somebody and um they were telling me that they were doing a study, uh, that they were involved in the study at one point for the elderly, ages 50 to 70. Oh my god. And I was like, hmm, I'm like thinking, this person has no idea that I'm 50. You know, it's fine. I didn't say anything. I was just like, okay. Um all right, thank you for that. Uh and I actually messaged my boss. I was like, so today I found out I was elderly. How's your day going?

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Well, and I think, and that, you know, kind of you know, takes me to a different piece of like getting into the stage is that you do kind of start to feel a little bit invisible.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Like people tend to kind of like overlook you, or you know, you're because we're we're not reproducing anymore, you know. It's just so that kind of energy just kind of gets, you know, shifted away. And people don't hold doors for you anymore. They don't, you know, it's just it's kind of and in a in a weird way, there's like this, well, I shouldn't care anyway. Um, but I think when you go from feeling like you had some sort of worth um in the world to feeling like that has now shifted and what does that look like now? And a lot of people kind of discard women as they age. Yeah. Um, and we are very obsessed with youth, and it's easy to get caught up in that, you know, kind of notion that we need to keep trying to be young.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Yeah, and I think it also depends on where you live too, right? And how much you see that, right? Like I lived in California and it was a very different vibe than here, where I think there's still pockets of it, but it's not as like prevalent. Yeah. And so, you know, I appreciate being like, Whew, I don't have to like I I think I'd I'd still feel the same way because I've always been this way. I was like, I don't wear a ton of makeup, I never have, like it's just kind of who I've always been, and you know, aging gracefully, but still every once in a while where I'm like, what's what's going on here?

SPEAKER_01 25:09

You know, I woke up and um I'm a turkey now. What happened? Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Yeah, it was just like, what? What is this? Or like the other day I was on a conference call and I'm like, I was doing this, and I was like, damn it, this little cheek hair just came out. I never it's I have one little I have one little one that comes out and it's like so weird because like it's like not there, not there, not there, and then all of a sudden it's like a half an inch. It's this long.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

You're like, wait, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

How about because I check it, you know, I'm always like it as soon as I see it, but I'm like, you know, yeah, and then of course I can't I can't stop playing with it.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

So I'm like on this commerce phone, I'm just like happened to your body. You're like, wow, this is a trip sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Yeah, you're like, okay, I wasn't expecting that. Wasn't on the bingo card. Yeah. Random cheek hair. It's just that's what you know, is you know, men get hair in places too as they age. You know, his my husband's talked about like, oh, this is random ear hair. You know, it's like the same.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Thankfully, I haven't gotten to say hopefully we don't have that. Right. Just just random cheek hair.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Yeah, well at least, you know, some people get the full mustache. So, you know, I'll take a ticket.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Yeah. I mean, I've always had a little light blow, like, you know, like light one anyway. So I I do try to take care of that. But yeah, it's just like, you know, what is this? So um is there anything you wished that like if you if you were gonna tell any say anything to anyone who's just starting this sort of perimenopausal journey, like what would you say to somebody?

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Um find your care team, find a good provider that you can trust um that can help advocate for you and with you. Um, I think that's your first uh line of defense is just to make sure you've got that person in place that you can go to. Um, and that will hopefully give you the right recommendations and resources for how to address other things that come up outside of the medical piece. Um and that's what I I mean, that's kind of what I would love to step into is helping women resource, you know, giving them kind of a roadmap on how to organize your your care team. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

If someone wanted to work with you, how would they find you?

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Um I'm on Instagram and on Facebook. Um both. And I can drop that in the notes too. Um, and uh so they can find me there. Um and I do personal training as well. So I do a little more on the exercise or fitness movement piece, which actually has shifted as I have gotten, you know, more educated about, you know, exercise and menopause. Yeah. And how that can be a little bit different and how we need to honor that and and shift a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Um yeah, because we were talking about cortisol spikes earlier. It's like you don't want to aggravate that on top of right, of course.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah. So I have found that I've had demonstration I was also diagnosed with a uh of degenerative uh back suggestion, very complicated. So that's also kind of just you know automatically limited some of the things that I can do. Um but you know, really making sure that we're we're sensitive to where women are and and what's available to them so that we're not, you know, overdoing.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Well, thank you so much uh for joining us today. I really appreciate it for sharing your story. Uh and if anyone is interested in being a guest, please feel free to reach out to me and we'd love to have you. Uh feel free to comment and share. Uh, and otherwise, we both wish you a wonderful rest of your day. Yes, absolutely.