Episode 8 - Erin (The truth about perimenopause)

Join me as we discuss Erin's peri-menopause journey. 

Erin is the creator and host of Menopause Chats. She is also a somatic and intuitive coach who helps women in the in-between live with more magic and intention through her signature approach The 5 Cs of Becoming Her. More information at: www.pauseandalign.com

The stories shared in Menopause Chats are not intended as medical advice, but for information and entertainment. Please seek a medical professional for specific advice regarding your menopause journey. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hi everyone, welcome to Menopause Chats. I'm Erin Daruska. Excited to have uh my friend Erin with us today, and we are going to talk about uh her journey. So thank you, Erin, for being here. Uh so where are you on your journey here?

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Gosh, it's such a loaded question, right? Um, it's so interesting because hi everyone. Um, I'm Erin. And um I thought I was further along than I think that I am. I think um I thought I was closer to like full menopause, but I'm I'm in paramenopause right now. And I have been for a couple of years, and I've been very the the this side of 50 has been very tough for me, to be honest with you. I did not, although we all know what's coming, I did not know um what that meant. And like we just, you know, we don't thank God people are starting to talk about it more, you know? And I'm constantly telling most of my friends happen to be quite a bit younger than me. So they do not understand it. And whenever I say, just enjoy your 40s, they just like roll their eyes and I'm like, you don't understand, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

They can watch a bunch of videos and go, oh, okay, now I now I know what to look forward to.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

And they just all think that I'm being negative. And I'm like, no, I'm being realistic, right? And so I think it just nobody's telling you this. I'm telling you the truth. Trying to tell you the truth and just appreciate it, right? Because it it started probably just before right around when I turned 50, actually. Um the first thing I and I'm gonna talk just real here, you know. Um, but the first the first thing that I noticed was was the weight gain, right? The belly, the belly fat gain, the belly weight fat gain, which is a real problem, right? You know, we all sort of that's the biggest complaint that I that I hear from from my friends. I have not had nearly as much struggle with um hot flashes, but it's getting worse. So I think I thought I was further along in the journey. I uh hit about 10 months without a cycle and then just recently had two cycles. So I'm like, oh, maybe I'm not as far along as I think I am. Um, but I have gone on um estrogen and progesterone. So I feel like if I am not as far along as I think I am, hopefully these things will help in the long run.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, at least will help with symptoms and things because like a lot of the stuff that happens is because of a drop in estrogen, right? Like it's like the hormones drop, and then you're like, oh, okay. Um, so yeah. And I don't know if you I mean, I've shared it uh other times, but like my story was like I thought I was perimenopausal to find out I was postmenopausal. So I was like, oh, and all of these things that were wrong with me, oh now I understand.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

I had no idea what um, see, I'm having a problem with the that happened, yeah, like the uh brain fog. I was like, oh, I don't know what that is. Now I'm like, oh my god, that's what it is. I just can't remember anything.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Oh yeah, and I had that happen the other day. I was like talking to my husband, I was like, literally mid-sentence, and I was like, Yep, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

And he's like, I can't finish sentences. I don't, I can't say the word table. Like I just, it's it's constant. And uh and I think the the other thing that we forget is that there are a lot, you know, when we think about menopause, we think about things like the belly, the belly fat gain, right? The um the hot flashes, yeah, the lack of sleep, um, the brain fog, those are the big ones that we hear about. But there is a litany of others that we just don't even connect to, you know, what that is. And I don't even know what they are, but it's just so interesting.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

But there's a lot of things, like even weird things like vertigo.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Like, so there's like just these little things that all could be like, oh, maybe like here's what I think. It's like, oh, if something's happening, could this be related to Manduz? Maybe, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Yeah, exactly. And so then you look it up. Yeah, the other one that might be a sensitive topic, but the other one that is is definitely been impacting me is the painful uh sex. It's been excruciating. And I used to see the commercials for it, you know, they'd be like, Oh, yeah, after whatever. And I'm like, whatever, what does that mean? And I didn't realize. And I remember I was I was talking to my husband about it, and this was probably about a year ago, and I was like, Why is this? And he was like, Because, and he like rattled off the answer, and I was like, How do you know that? And he's like, I said, Have you been doing research? And he's like, Yeah, you told me the other day that you would think that you thought you were going into menopause. So I went and did research on it because that's what he does, because he's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

And um and I want to acknowledge like how cool that you could have that conversation openly about like, because I think sometimes there's a lot of shame around, oh, like I this is painful. So like people just don't talk about it, and then it creates distance, and then that causes other problems. And so, you know, kudos to the two of you for having open conversations and then kudos to him for being like, I'm gonna look this up and see what's going on with my wife.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

I know, right? And I wasn't even talking about that when I brought up menopause, and he just he just was doing all the research, and so like, and he's very sensitive to that, right? And like I've definitely had, we haven't, you know, the irritability comes up every now and again, but it has not been a huge factor. But there have been times where you know, we something might come up, and then we just we sort of get like this, and then we just laugh about it, right? So we're able to like to your point the fact that we can talk about it and the fact that he has done the research and knows that this is real stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

So Right, because I think it's easy to be dismissive, right? To be like, oh, our experiences aren't real, or like, oh, you're making it up, and especially when it's not something that's like seen, right? And so, you know, and I think the one thing that's helped me a lot is uh I get a compounded uh estrogen and testosterone cream. And that has helped with like the pain and stuff because it re um because it's topical and it's in you know, it it changes the pH and the all the fun stuff down there. It rejuvenates it. Is that a good word? Probably yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

I have it, I have an estrogen, I have an estrogen.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

I started with just estrogen and it didn't do anything for me. And then for the pain piece of it, um, and we when she moved me over to the estrogen and testosterone combination completely, completely did help.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

So thank you for saying that. So that if this doesn't work, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Yeah, there's other things. I mean, um to go get it, you know, I'd have to go to a compounding pharmacy and you know, all that fun stuff, but you know, it's still you know, it still works. So and to me, it's like, well, if it works, then that's good, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yeah. It it has been interesting. I um I am going to a specialist, like I'm paying a lot of money out of pocket. Um, and I think what happened was is, you know, when this all first started early on, and people were like, Oh, yeah, you just go on estrogen and whatever. And then when it actually became a reality, I was like, Oh, what do you do? And you know, you go to your gynecologist, right? And you go to your Western and you go to your Western doctors, and they're like, Oh, just here's the estrogen patch. And you're like, what like nothing? Well, there's no reason to take tests because like your hormones change all the time, so you can't really test, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You go to this specialist who in my case is a naturopath, like endocrinologist, essentially, a functional endocrinologist. So they have the medical background. And so I was asking her about all this stuff, and she's like, it all comes down to money, like they don't want to. And so it has been interesting because I did do a ton of testing, and then she gave me stuff, and then I went back in after, and it was like, Oh, maybe that wasn't enough. Maybe we need to do more. So, like detailed, detailed, detailed testing, like really, and really thinking about things differently than the Western doctors. Yeah. That being said, when I go back and like talk to my like um my um MD, my endocrinologist MD, like there's definitely like a differences in opinion in certain things. And she's like, Well, did she tell you? You know, so it's like I'm I'm weighing the two things. That being said, I also feel like although it is a lot of money, I I appreciate going to specialists because there are a lot of other detailed things, but also because of all the testing, they're giving me specific amounts rather than just giving me a patch and saying I was very nervous and scared because I have this thing called like factor five or something that makes like a stroke incidence more high. So estrogen also is a problem in that sense. Um, so I was very concerned. And so she did the research and was like, it's not a problem if you do this much, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Like whereas are you doing transdermal or are you doing like a pill?

SPEAKER_00 9:04

I'm doing progesterone pills at night, and I'm doing uh estrogen cream on the thigh on at night, and then I'm also doing the the vaginal estradiol at night.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

So and I have like a patch, and so that's what you know. So I have just a little patch that I wear. And then because I still have my IUD because they're like just keep it in, like even though I don't need it, they're like it has progesterone, so they're like, just keep it until it expires.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

So for me, it was really interesting. I had an IUD when this whole thing started, and my specialist said, You need to take it out because I need to understand. If I'm if you're gonna work with me and I'm gonna give you, yeah, I need to understand what your baseline is. And if you have an IUD and I don't know what your true numbers are, interesting. So I actually took it out, which also like wasn't a problem. Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Um and uh seriously, mine was so my numbers were so low that there was no question. So she was sort of like, you're good, you know. So she's like, just keep it in, you can keep it in. So that's why I don't take a progesterone because I have that coming in. Um, but yeah, and it's you know, and I'm still on like I think I'm on like one of the lowest doses, and I think that's still, you know, like it's it's still working from my perspective. So I'm like, I'm not getting hot flashes or anything like that. So I mean the brain fog is there occasionally, but sometimes I'm like, is this just aging?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Is this like I don't know? Well, and it could be, right? And for me, the biggest ones, like I said, were the belly fat, and um the hot flashes started getting more and more. And also, um, what's really interesting is I have an identical twin sister. Yeah, and she um, so we've been sort of going through this together, right? But what I noticed is different. Well, what I noticed was earlier on in the process, um she was having trouble sleeping, like up for two hours a night. Like we were both dealing with belly fat. She was dealing more with the sleeping and more with like a lot of more problem with hot flashes. And I was like, Oh, interesting. Like, I definitely have hot flashes, but not to the extent. And I was like, Oh, maybe I got like maybe I got around that. Well, it turns out she's just much further along. She is in menopause and has been probably for a year. And clearly the fact that I had just had a period, I am not. And the sleeping issues and the and the uh hot flashes have increased incrementally recently. Okay. That being said, when I went on, when I finally went on the estrogen, because I was already on, I've been on progesterone for a little while longer. I've been on progesterone for about eight months. I've been on estrogen probably for about two or three.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Since the estrogen, the sleep, it really helped my sleep, really helped my sleep.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

And I think a baseline thing, like, you know, and I think of like Maslow's hierarchy, right? Like if you don't have the sleep, like nothing else in your health is like good, right? So and and so there's that, right? Like, so if you're sleep, if if the hormones are causing your sleep to be off, or because you know, for me, it was like I was getting night sweats and stuff, like it's like I was hot and cold, I'm hot and cold. And so if if the sleep's off, then everything else kind of just gets off, too.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

So yeah, oh my god, I was miserable. I had just started a brand new job. I was like, oh my god, I'm not sleeping. And like I told you, most of my friends are quite a bit younger than me. They don't understand it. So they're hearing me, but they're like, sorry. Yeah, but they don't, you know, they don't know.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

And then someday they're gonna be like, Oh, I remember Aaron telling me about that. They are going to know exactly.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Exactly. So it's definitely helped. Um, so we'll see, you know, I'm sticking with this specialist for a while, um, just to kind of check it out. I also, another thing I have started to do is um I've started working with a personal trainer for for weight training, yeah. Which I've always been resistant to. And of course, you know, we all hear you get to a certain age and lifting heavy weights and and yeah, much, much larger amounts of protein is so critical. So I'm really understanding that and and trying to include those two things as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

So I'm curious on the belly fat for you. So for me, like I've always had belly fat. So so it I don't, I mean, I I had gained weight during the pandemic anyway, which was which was mostly because I was drinking more wine. And so I I had like I was not correlating it to perimenopause or anything. It was it was a completely lifestyle factor, not working out, drinking a lot of wine, eating a lot of junk food. Now, um, and even since I've lost weight, I still I'm back sort of my baseline of what my my I've always had a little tummy. That's just how my body has always been, it will always be. I've named it, we're good. Were you did you not have that before? Like, so I'm just curious for you, like what your experience was because you know, people's bodies are different. So, like people's bodies are bigger, you know, like a bigger deal for someone who's you know, maybe had a flat stomach their whole life, and then they're like, What the hell is this?

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Yeah, and I've never like had a perfect stomach, right? But like my waist has always been my smallest part. I tend to gain weight in my in my butt and my hips, and so and it you could tell it wasn't about the food and eating differently because it's like overnight all of a sudden you have this and and the and it's impossible to lose, right? Interestingly enough, again, my my twin sister and I have extremely different bodies and they're becoming more and more different the older we get. They didn't used to be different. She like I am, I am like curvelacious. Um my boobs increased another size, so I'm like F now. That's like 4D, which is so hard. That's really it's been really hard. I'm getting even more curvier, and then, but then in addition to all the other places that I had, I also have this belly that just doesn't go away. And that's and the and the reason why I could tell it wasn't just oh, like you were eating differently or drinking differently, is because it literally is just like it shows up and you're like WTF. My sister, who has always been more slender but sort of gained in the belly, has gained quite a bit in the belly. And so, you know, although I think she looks much better in clothes, she definitely feels it. You know, it's it's really, really, really hard, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:42

It's really a self-esteem thing. Like, you know, that it's like a shift too. It's like, oh, what happened to the body I had? And like this whole, you know, I mean, both of us have I know you through the coaching community, right? So it's like we have this, it's like we know we know the things that we're supposed to think, and like what you would tell somebody else, but what you tell your yourself is a different thing, right? Like of, oh, you know, like, well, just love the body you're in. It's like, well, it's easy, easier said than done when you've lived in a body that didn't you wasn't like this before, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

So um well, I actually and I actually think I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, I actually do think I might have like a little bit of body dysmorphia in the sense that I've never been happy with my body, even though I look back at pictures and I'm like, oh my god, I was so skinny.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

And I think that is a very typical, like I mean, uh female experience, you know, especially like in Western societies where we put so much emphasis on how women look and their bodies and you know, and and the images that were shown in the media of like that aren't mostly, especially now, real, like literally not real now. Um that that's such a difference. But so I'm sorry I interrupted you.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

No, no, it's just totally, I agree with you, right? It's very I say that knowing that it's a very common thing, and I was like, and so this makes it even harder, right? And it's like, oh my god, it's just gonna get worse from here. Like it's just gonna get worse. Like, even just seeing myself on the screen here, like it's hard, you know.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

And um and I don't know about you, but I'm I'm guessing because I I know what you do for a living. Um, we spend a lot of time on screens, yes, these kinds of things, and you're like, This is how I look okay. Well, guess this is what I look like today.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

I was like, I look like I'm tired, you know. Exactly. And it's like, oh, there's a wrinkle, and there's a wrinkle, and um, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Sometimes I just put my glasses on because I look better with them on because you can't see the fine under my eyes.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

I look tired a lot, so it's just it's been sort of an interesting, it's definitely like I said at the beginning, is like this side of 50 has been really tough for me. I talked when I talk to people who feel differently and they're like, oh my God, I love it. 50s are the best. I'm like, who are you? Number one. Number two, I'm also really working on trying to like be nicer to myself. I'm trying to be nicer, be kinder, you know, all of those things. I would never think these things about someone else, you know, and and I recognize that. And so I'm recognizing it for what it is. I'm also recognizing how important it is to like be more positive and like knowing that I do need to get to the place of like, okay, like this is aging, like I'm lucky for another day, you know. I'm lucky for age, right? Yeah. And I talk to people who have had, you know, cancer and other diseases, and they're like, oh my God, I'm super happy. Like, I'm just happy. I never thought I was gonna make it to 50. I'm so you know what I mean. So it's like different people's experiences, you know. And there's a there's a song by um Rob Thomas that I love him in Matchbox 20. And my sister called out this song, and it says, um, it says something about um being okay with um aging because the more you age is um a day away from dying young. So, right, every day that you age, you're a day like even further away from dying young. And I was like, that's the way we need, you know, I am I am losing people around me all the time. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm also recognizing like I should not be in this like frame of mind, just so self-obsessed with my belly fat, because frankly, you know, aside all cares about it but you, right? Exactly. And I'm and I'm healthy, and I'm, you know, I am literally losing people all the time these days. And I'm really trying to get to a place where I'm sort of in acceptance with the menopause journey and recognizing that like there is another side from what I understand, like you can get through it. And then you give less F's, right? It is easier with the help of hormones if you if you can, you know, hormone replacement therapy, if you can, if you can take it, right? Um, and so that's I think like my advice to anyone would just be like stay on top of it and start early. Yeah. Right. When you start having symptoms, like rather than sort of waiting until you're miserable, there are things that you can do to kind of stay ahead of it a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah. And I think to your point, like talk to your younger friends, right? Like let them know. It's like, hey, listen, I'm not complaining, I'm just letting you know. Because like I kind of feel like it's like, oh, I'm I'm let me be like your older sister who's not telling you these things.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Well, and I recognize too, like when you're not there, you you don't like as much as I mean, when we were younger, people probably said that to us all the time. Oh my God, I appreciate where you're at. You're so young and you're like rolling your eyes at them. Guarantee you that's what they're doing to me. And just to be clear, I I am complaining. I am complaining when I'm talking. These are like my closest friends, and I'm like, this is what's going on with me. So um, but I'm trying to like, I'm definitely, you know, outside of all of that and recognizing where I'm at, I am trying to be in gratitude for the things that I do have, which is a lot of lovely and wonderful things, you know, and including my overall health, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Yeah, yeah. Cause I mean, like you said, it's like, oh, I get to live another day, right? Like I do, like I'm part of my like gratitude practice because I have a daily graduate practice, is like, thank you for my health, you know, like thank you for waking up today. Like, you know, because those are two things that even if I like because I've had a migraine in the last couple days, it's like, even if I wake up with migraine, I still woke up and and yes, thank you for my health. So uh, because it could be worse. Yes, always. But anyway, so thank you so much. I appreciate your honesty and just like, hey, this is how it is, and you know, this is my whole purpose in doing these things is just to like bring that awareness to people and just real stories from real people about what is going on with our bodies and and what what do I wish I knew, right? Right. I feel like I'm doing this for my younger self, even though that person can't watch it.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Yeah, but I think it's a great idea because like one of the biggest complaints has been like nobody talks about it, and then now we're finally talking about it. So that's a moment for sure. You're making it so you're making it okay. It's okay to be. I'm always asking, like, is it hot in here or is it just me? Right. Like, you know what it means if it's not hot in here, you know. So um, and the fact that you can have those honest conversations more broadly now is really important, and you're normalizing it, right? So that's great. Thank you for doing this.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Thank you. Um, so thank you for watching, listening. Uh, so please feel free to comment. Please share this out. That's like my biggest thing is like I want more people to be able to see this. Um, if you're interested in being a guest, feel free to reach out to me. I'm excited to be excited to talk to you. Um, definitely uh everybody to me, everybody has a story, so I want to to hear those stories. Um, but otherwise, uh have a wonderful rest of your day and we will see you next time.